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What People Lie About

Updated: Mar 4, 2022

What do people lie about

Everybody Lies

At my live show in Washington DC, I ask people what they lie about. I've been keeping a tally of their answers. How many of these do you lie about?

(76) Weight

(70) Age

(57) Food (what they like, or how much they eat, or what they ate)

(34) My emotions or mood.

(37) My Job. (what it is or how much I like it)

(34) Income.

(33) Height

(28) How much money I spent.

(23) How much I drink.

(21) How much you like someone's looks.

(20) I never lie.

(14) Relationship status.

(13) Where I was

(11) How interested I am in others.

(10) School.

(15) What time I go to bed or what time I woke up.

(9) Intelligence.

(8) How much I like my job.

(7) Number of intimate partners.

(8) How often I exercise.

(11) How hard I work.

(6) Hair color.

(5) Golf scores

(6) Sex

(4) Love of vegetables.

(5) Politics.

(4) Lied about being sick.

(4) Why I missed work.

(4) Smoking.

(4) Liking a gift.

(3) Price I paid for something.

(3) Doing my homework.

(3) How fast I drive.

(3) How well behaved my kids are.

(4) About Santa Clause.

(3) Finished homework.

(3) My plans.

(5) My name.

(3) My nationality.

(2) Going to church.

(2) How well behaved my dog is.

(2) How much you like someone's haircut.

(2) Smoking pot.

(2) I like cats.

(2) Where I live.

(2) Family

(2) How busy I am.

(2) How much you like someone's kids.



How much I like you


How much I gamble.



Shipping liquids in US mail.

If we love them or not.

How religious I am.

Looking forward to vacation.

I'm not always busy when my friends ask to hang.

I lied to dad about drinking soda.

Why I got divorced.

Faked a family emergency to get an extension on a project.


Whether I'm in town.

That I heard what you said and I'm just pretending to listen.


Bra size.

Remembering people when they come up to me.

I know what I'm doing.

Sleeping on the job.

My Boyfriend's job.

That I remembered someone's name.

Movies I've seen.

Doing chores.

How organized I am.

Liking my wife's friends.

Where I went on vacation.

What I do at parties.

Where I was when you were on vacation.

How much fun I have at a function.

How well I'm doing.

Being on time.

Internet usage.



Vacation time.

How many times I've been married.

Walking the dog.

I lie to my therapist so nobody worries about me.

I can dance.

Knowledge of UFO's.

I like the hot weather.

College social activities.

Where I got the gift from.

I like my mother in law's food.


I have a great relationship with my parents.

My mom is my favorite parent.

That I'm going to call you back soon.

My school choice.

"I'm a good driver."

How I met my husband.

Number of toes.

Where I'm from.

Why I love my boyfriend.

I was a tennis champ in college.

My middle name.

Being a licensed truck driver.

My life plan.

I'm going to be on time.

Hiding the last puzzle piece.

Sexual orientation.

What time I started work.

Why I can't make it to an event.

My thoughts on my family.

My job skills/experience.

Vax status.

I can swim.

I would lie about never telling a lie.

My opinions about my boyfriends friends.

Liking my friend's boyfriend.

Bedroom Swagger.

I'm going to Harvard.

Years of School.


My boyfriends ability to satisfy me.

Lied about being stuck in traffic to avoid a family video call.

(2) 'I'm on my way!'

How many cups of coffee I've had today.

What movies I actually watch.

Caring about my kids video games.

(2) I'm late because I got stuck in traffic.

What car I drive.

I drink half and half from the carton.

Pretending to be busy at work while on Audible.

"I'm good at poker."

How good I am.

My sex life.

When I loss my v-card.


My lover.

My time in China?

Off the books Uber ride to some shady characters.



Trump is my half brother.

What my husband is doing for his birthday.

How I feel when I'm sick.


Broke the car.

My level of confidence.

"I have to go to work."

If I'm passing my classes.

About Botox.

I made that pie myself.

What I am reading.


If it's store bought or handmade.

World travel.

I lie to my children about how long things will take.

I like to my chiropractor that I do my daily exercises for my neck.

Diamond being lab grown.

How long I played video games.

Being nice.

Jumping off the San Fransisco bridge.

When I'm talking to someone I dislike and they ask how I am I just say 'I'm just tired.'

Tell my patients I'll be back in 5 minutes but I don't mean it.

"Yeah, let's def hook up again!"

Job interview.

That goldfish didn't die.

How lucky I am.

Tell the waitress I like the food if I don't.

Passing off restaurant food as home cooked.

"I'm a republican too."

How long something will take.

How many children I have...

Losing my job.


When I last showered.

If I like you as a person.

My Resume.

Biden will be re-elected in 2024...

Where I was the night before.

I'm allergic to shellfish--I just don't like it.

How sane I am.

My brother is the greatest magician.

My kids are awesome.

How smart my kids are.

I didn't gain any weight during covid.

How I got covid.

Trump won the election.

The customer's always right.

Your singing is amazing!

How I sprained my foot.

I'm a good dancer.

How often I brush my teeth.

Doing chores

How much I paid for my dog.

How fast I'll finish my report

Whether or not I actually had a good time.

I lie about my intentions.

How often I floss.

Time spent online.

Investment returns.

I don't mind putting myself last.

Tennis Ranking.

Love living in Florida.

Liking golf.

Where I am going to.

That I don't see my boyfriend's messages to his ex's.

Domestic responsibilities.

I agree with you.

Work trips.

How much I like my co-workers.

Today is my birthday!

I like to be alone.

I'm a team player

Poker winnings.

How long it takes to get ready.

Fender Bender

I never cheated in school.

Where I go to college.

Alcohol at customs.

Where I am from.

How I feel.

Following sports.

Stuff I do in college.

My diet.

Stealing my sisters clothes.

I tell my daughter I sneak in and give her a kiss before I go to bed.

How much I dislike people.

I looked for a job today.

Who I've dated.

I play golf.

In my students ability to complete an assignment.

How attracted I am to my date.

Who I have crush on.

Pace per mile.

Stealing husband's cash.

(2) How much I like spending time with the in laws.

My plans.

I'm missing my husband on this trip.

What I study.

My debt.

"You are fantastic."

I believe in magic.

I love my sister in law.

I'm just going to be a little late.

My body count.

I'm an optimist.

I love night clubs.

I don't eat sugar.

I'm on my way.

I want to get my PHD.

I lie to my English teacher on why I miss class.

"I need to work remotely.'

What I am doing

"You are my favorite child."

Avoiding work.

I'm always on time.

How much I like my wife's cooking.


I couldn't do it without you.

Telling my husband I'll clean up after dinner.

I'm not wearing make up.

I'm a morning person.

I didn't procrastinate.

Where I live.

I'm not tired.

My phone ran out of batteries.

I love snakes.

I told my partner I wanted kids.

I love DC!

Having a BA (I'm one credit short)

I cleaned my turtle tank.

I won the lottery.

I love football.

"I'll get gas in the morning."

I don't like classic cards.

I don't actually like dogs.

Updated March 4, 2022

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